Một nỗi sợ hãi


 

Một buổi trưa tôi đi làm về con trai cũng đi học về. Thấy tôi con hốt hoảng thông báo:

- Mẹ ơi hôm qua ở khu dân cư gần chùa Phủ Liễn có một người chết vì tai nạn lao động khiếp lắm mẹ ạ.

- Thế à? Chuyện là thế nào hả con?

- Con nghe nói là người này đang điều khiển máy ép cọc gì ấy bị rơi cái búa cúi xuống nhặt thì người khác lại ấn nút điều khiển máy thế là đầu máy ép cọc bật lên ...Người ta bảo là bị nát hết cả mặt mẹ ạ.

Nhìn vẻ mặt sợ hãi của con trai tôi an ủi :

- Có khi mới là tin đồn thôi chưa chắc đã là sự thật con ạ.

Con trai quả quyết :

- Thật thế mà mẹ mấy đứa bạn con nhà ở gần đấy chúng nó cũng kể như thế mà.

- Ừ thôi con ăn cơm đi chiều còn đi học.

Câu chuyện tai nạn lao động ở khu dân cư gần chùa Phủ Liễn còn trở lại bàn trà nước ở cơ quan tôi ngày hôm sau. Có người bảo : cái đầu người công nhân ấy còn bị đứt lìa ra người ta còn phải nhặt lấy và vội vàng lắp trở lại ( ?!). Ai cũng ngậm ngùi cho số phận một mạng người xấu số.

Nhưng phải đến một ngày sau ngẫm nghĩ lại tôi mới nhận ra mình đã không hề choáng váng trước cái tin chết chóc này.

 Tôi nhận ra là mình đã bình thản nghe con trai bé nhỏ cố gắng kể lại câu chuyện bi thảm ấy bằng sự khiếp sợ của nó đã thản nhiên bàn luận với đồng nghiệp như một chuyện đã rồi. Tôi nhận ra là cũng như đã lâu mình không còn choáng váng khi xem bản tin tổng hợp tai nạn giao thông hàng tuần trên ti vi địa phương đại loại là « tuần này trên địa bàn toàn tỉnh có 7 người chết tăng 2 người so với tuần trước ». Chỉ nhăn mặt nhíu trán rồi lại lướt qua để xem những chương trình khác.

Trừ những sự kiện tai nạn hết sức bi thảm với những thiệt hại vô cùng nghiêm trọng về người và của mà tất cả các phương tiện truyền thông cùng đưa tất cả mọi người bàng hoàng như vụ Lèn Cờ vụ ô tô đâm tàu hỏa làm 11 người chết ; những vụ án man rợ vô tiền khoáng hậu như vụ Nguyễn Đức Nghĩa cắt cổ người yêu vụ người đàn bà phóng hỏa giết cả gia đình anh chồng… khiến ai cũng không thể không căm phẫn.

Còn thì những cái chết « lặt vặt » « lẻ tẻ » ngày nào cũng xảy ra trên đường ở các công trình hầm mỏ các vụ án cướp đi một mạng hai mạng người mà báo chí vẫn đưa đều đều mỗi ngày đã không làm tôi sợ hãi nữa.

Sự thật vừa được tự phát hiện ấy đã khiến một nỗi sợ hãi khác đè nặng lồng ngực tôi.

Nỗi sợ hãi sự vô cảm.

Của chính mình.

Trong nỗi sợ hãi ấy chợt hai chữ THA HÓA lù lù hiện ra.

Có phải đó là SỰ THA HÓA không?

Đọc lại bài « Mỗi chúng ta đã tự đánh mất bản thân mình như thế nào : Bảy bước tới tha hóa » của nhà phê bình Vương Trí Nhàn tôi hoang mang không biết rõ mình đã tha hóa ở bước nào.

Bởi không có bước nào trong đó nói về sự quá quen với những thông tin về rủi ro chết chóc và tội phạm giết người tràn ngập mỗi ngày trên đài báo internet. Chúng khiến cho đầu óc ta bão hòa trái tim ta chai lỳ dần đi. Và rồi bằng cách chấp nhận chung sống bình thản với cái Xấu cái Ác những trái tim và khối óc của ta dần dần tha hóa.

Có phải đó là cách mà ta đang giết chết sự thiện lương của chính mình ?

 

 

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Tyya

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Wind

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